Childline advice: Talking to teens about sex and relationships

It's all part of growing up but how as parents do you best talk to your offspring about relationships, sex and sexual health?

Children service manager for London Wendy Robinson offers some advice:

We all remember our first crush don’t we – the butterflies in your stomach, the excitement. But it can also be one of the scariest things about growing up.

For example, to find the courage to tell someone how you feel while worrying they don’t feel the same. It feels like you and the world around you is changing so quickly you can’t keep up.

The pressure on young people today is much greater than it’s ever been with the widespread use of social media, and along with it the advent of sexting and online grooming. They can also be exposed to sexual images at a much younger age through things like music videos and social media.

One teenage boy who contacted Childline said: “I’ve been with my girlfriend for quite a few months n– I really like her. Recently she has been talking about us having sex but I told her I don’t feel ready. She got a bit annoyed so we have done a few sexual things, but I feel really guilty about it. She doesn’t understand that with my faith I’m not supposed to behave like this. I don’t know what to do.”

It’s hard for children to know who to talk to and it’s embarrassing to talk to your parents about this kind of thing isn’t it? We’ve all been there!

But talking about sex and relationships from an early age will help them decide when they’re ready as they get older.

It's never easy to start a serious conversation with a child. Do it too forcefully and they might clam up. But if you take a more subtle approach you can find the chat gets derailed and you're soon

talking about something entirely different.

So it can be a good idea to try to make the conversation relevant in some way.

For example, if they’ve been learning about sex and relationships at school as part of their Personal, Social and Health Education (PSHE). Talk to them about it and see what everyone in the class thought about what they were being taught.

Have a few bite-sized conversations over a period of time. It gives your child the time to process what you've discussed and avoids it sounding like a heavy lecture. And create the right situation – have it in a relaxed, neutral place where you won’t be interrupted.

If your child has very specific questions, why not explore the Childline website together? There’s advice on sex, relationships, puberty and sexual health.

Just visit www.childline.org.uk/info-advice.

If your child finds it too difficult to talk to you, remind them that Childline’s trained counsellors are available 24 hours a day on 0800 1111.

If you’d like more advice on how to talk to your child about tricky subjects, call the NSPCC’s helpline for advice on 0808 800 5000.

Growing up can be hard to do, but with the right support it can be made easier and safer.