Charlie O'Brien talks weddings and new surnames in her latest blogpost

by Charlie O'Brien

By the time you read this I could well be married.

For 18 months I’ve been planning our big day by the Kent coast and I’ve put my heart and soul into it.

One of the things I’ve not quite decided though is whether or not I’ll be taking my fiancé’s surname.

Is it important that parents and children share a surname?

I thought I’d decided on a rather fancy/complicated affair of double-barrelling my maiden name with his – meaning an apostrophe and a hyphen!

I was quite set on this for a while but a few twists, turns and upsets (not from my fiancé by the way) later and I’m not sure it’s the name for me. Not right now anyway.

I firmly believe that women should choose what they are comfortable with. Keep your maiden name, ditch it, stick them all together or make up an entirely new one and freak everyone out! Do what makes you happy.

I also think it’s great when men take on their wife’s name.

But what has shocked me a bit is other people’s reactions because we have a child together;

“But you want to have the same name as Noah surely?”

“What about when your names are called our in a doctor’s surgery?” (Um – when are two names ever called out at once? This one made me laugh a lot.)

I also really don’t get the school thing? Having a different name to my son won’t make me any less of a mother. I’ll still be the one washing his uniform, packing his lunch and helping him learn to add up and write his name.

I’ll be the one at parent’s evening finding out how my son is getting on and I’ll just be ‘Noah’s mum’. I’m sure no teacher would look down on me and my family for having different names?

Surely it’s so common these days.

Or am I totally wrong and is my poor father not going to receive his dowry if I don’t follow the rules?

As for travel, as far as I’m aware from doing some research, I need to make sure I carry Noah’s birth certificate with us, especially if I’m travelling abroad alone with him. I think that’s it? (Note to self – buy some plastic wallets to save dog-eared birth certificate)

Am I missing something major? An occasion where we could be completely discriminated for having different names? I don’t mean this flippantly by the way, I’m genuinely interested.

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below? Have you suffered or struggled due to not sharing the same name as your children?

Right, I’m off to get married!

Charlie