Date nights for parents: Are they really worth the effort? The Charlie O'Brien Blog

'Date Night' is a new term isn’t it? Made up by my generation of millennials who want it all and want to document every experience, mouthful of food and romantic gesture on social media.

I’m not a dinosaur by the way, and very much on social media – but hear me out for a second.

I don’t ever recall my parents going on 'date nights' or even getting to go out much. They had five of us to look after and I imagine that stuff was pretty much on hold with a house full of toddlers, pre-teens and teenagers.

My husband and I got married just six months ago and while I am very much aware of the need for us to nurture our relationship and be a couple outside of being parents, 'date nights' just don’t really happen.

We are very lucky in terms of grandparents. My parents live 10 minutes away and my mum and dad are ALWAYS more than willing to look after Noah, even overnight. But I’m realising it’s best to save the favours for work-related times and emergencies rather than fun 'date nights'.

I know lots of people who rely heavily on grandparents both for day-to-day care when they’re at work, and weekend care so they can still have a social life. But I don’t want to take advantage of my parents, their time and their good nature.

They have only just reached the stage (in their 60s) when they have a bit more time to themselves, and even now two of my brothers live with them on and off.

They both still work and their time together is precious. The last thing they need is a hyperactive toddler invading their space every other weekend so we can go out.

I often call on them to have Noah so I can pop to a meeting or a conference on the days he’s not in childcare and at other times I’ll drop him at theirs so I can go to a medical appointment alone. It seems wrong to ask too much of them.

Of course if we fancy a meal alone out we could use a childminder – but I’m not sure how comfortable I am with a non-family member putting Noah to bed yet, and it makes the cost of a night out very expensive.

One solution we have recently found (apart from watching boxsets together at home!) is day dates. We’re in the very privileged position that my husband doesn’t work until the afternoons – so on childcare days if we’ve got our work at home done, we sometimes pop for a quick child free lunch.

Granted it’s alcohol free and isn’t exciting like seeing a show or a gig, but at least it’s some time together.

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I think I’ve just accepted that while we have a young family sacrifices have to be made, and things can’t and won’t be as they were pre-children, and that’s fine.

I have a few friends who come up with amazing date night ideas to have at home while the kids are sleeping. So perhaps we need to up our game for 2017. Starting with Valentine’s maybe?!

How do you get time alone with your partner since having children? I’d love to hear.

Charlie X

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