Charlie O'Brien blog: Shouting at the kids and saying sorry
When I was pregnant with you – I promised I wouldn’t be 'shouty mum’'
I wanted to be able to stay calm in every situation I found myself in with you. I hoped to use reasoning and gentle communication first and foremost.
But I didn’t factor in tiredness. And not just ‘I could do with eight hours sleep rather than seven’ tiredness.
But tiredness that rocks you to the core. That hurts behind your eyes and fogs your brain.
I didn’t consider the situations where in a split second I see danger – the car that could hit you. The furniture that could crush you.
Back then I didn’t understand the enormous responsibility of looking after two small children – you and your baby sister.
Whom I love with every inch of my DNA. The two people I live and breathe for.
But sometimes – I am only human. And sometimes I shout.
Because it may be the fourth time I’ve told you not to try climbing up to the top shelf to grab the picture of Father Christmas. Or the sixth time I’ve asked you not to smother your baby sister in loving kisses with your terrible cold.
In those split seconds life can feel impossible. Infuriating. I wonder why you don’t listen to me.
Then I remember that you’re not even three yet. That your developing mind is full of innocence and wonder.
I remember that you’re so bright, so intelligent. Wanting answers to a hundred questions a day. Wanting to find the adventure in everything.
I know that you’re so full of love for us all – for your family and all the people that care for you.
So tomorrow I will try harder to see the world through your eyes. To understand.
And I will try not to raise my voice.
Thank you Noah for teaching me to be a better person.
Charlie X
