Charlie O'Brien blog: Why I said no visitors after my new baby was born

Something weird happens to me when I have a baby – or perhaps, it isn’t actually as weird as society wants me to think it is.

I get a great urge to pull up the drawbridge to my house and keep my immediate family in a bubble until we’re ready to emerge a few weeks later. I did it with my son Noah and I did the same this time with Luna.

People love a new baby. And as soon as you post the news that your beloved new addition has arrived – the messages start asking when people can visit. Which is lovely. BUT – in my opinion visitors can wait. The new baby isn’t going anywhere.

I didn’t allow any visitors at all apart from my mum and dad for the first two to three weeks. And I had a number of reasons...

1. Most visitors are not helpful

The last thing you need when you can barely sit down and your boobs feel like bowling balls – is having to stand on ceremony, play hostess and make cups of tea for an endless stream of people who want to peer at your newborn. After a surprise pre-term baby and a forceps delivery, all I wanted was people who would arrive with a dinner ready to pop in the oven, or offers of help with cleaning. The only people that met those criteria were my parents, so they were the only ones allowed to visit.

2. Family bonding time is precious

Most dads are only lucky enough to get a couple of weeks paternity leave at most and that fortnight flies by like no other. It was so important to us to enjoy the newborn bubble without disruptions because we knew we’d never ever get the time back. Our first week was also spent in hospital so it was even more important for us to enjoy a quiet week as a new family of four.

3. Breastfeeding

It takes a good few weeks to establish breastfeeding. In hospital Luna was fed by syringe, cup and through a tube because she was unable to latch. When we got home the real work started - to both learn how to breastfeed. This takes time, dedication and a lot of tears! The last thing I needed was having to worry about covering up for visitors. It was vital that we spent that time working out our new feeding relationship.

4. The baby blues

Last week I wrote about the baby blues and how I experienced them with both my babies. It was important for me to not get bogged down with worrying about having a neat, tidy house for visitors a few days after giving birth. Mental wellbeing is far more important.

5. Germs

I’m well aware that babies will of course be exposed to germs, and they are in fact an important part of building an immune system. But when your baby is four weeks early and tiny – the last thing you need is a load of visitors bringing in every cough and cold going. Luna’s already had her first cold virus thanks to her big brother, and it’s been really horrible for her.

Since sharing in this column that I was limiting visitors for a few weeks – SO many women have been in touch with me to say they wish they’d done the same.

Some have even told me they’re sure the whole pressure of visitors contributed to their PND. So my advice – do what feels right for you. And if that is for people to stay away for a while – just be firm. It’s not rude, it’s your choice.

Charlie X