Charlie O'Brien: The things no one tells you about living with a toddler

by Charlie O'Brien

Ahhh, toddlers. Wikipedia tells me the definition of a toddler is a child aged between one and three but us parents know they are SO much more!

The mess, the noise, their brilliant little minds and cheeky faces.

My son Noah is 16 months and we are well into the toddler stage now.

So I’ve put together a list of things that happen with a toddler – please feel free to add any! You know you’re living with a toddler when ….

You leave the house in what you thought were clean clothes only to discover a suspect dribble/snot/porridge stain on your way to an important meeting.

Keys, TV remotes, make up and generally anything ‘grown up’ goes missing with alarming regularity. And no, giving an old remote doesn’t work – they KNOW.

The amount of food that ends up on the floor after a meal could feed a small army. The dog’s grateful at least.

Baby wipes and kitchen roll become the most useful items in your home – and you regularly thank the person that invented them.

There are sticky finger marks EVERYWHERE.

Everything dangerous and breakable suddenly seems to be located at two foot and under in the home.

7am is a lie in.

In reality play time isn't much fun if you're the one doing the tidying up

You know all the words to the annoying songs in Peppa Pig and find yourself singing them in your head ALL DAY. Damn you Peppa.

The classics on your bookshelf have made way for hundreds of touch and feel books, but you secretly quite like them.

You step on Duplo at least twice a day and curse the decision you made to ever have children.

Your living room resembles a stay and play church hall.

You can no longer go out for nice family lunches, or if you do – you can only stay as long as the snack supply allows.

You bribe with food daily – despite saying you’d never be one of ‘those’ parents. Ah to be childless and gloriously naïve.

And don't even get me started on the potty training

The hours between 7am and 4pm fly by but for some reason 4pm until bedtime feels like 100 hours.

You have to deal with the arched back tantrums at least three times a day. Oh and when they collapse their whole bodies onto the floor in public and you lose all control. How DO they do that?!

When the toilet bowl becomes fair game for anything – shoes, books, hairbands. Yes I know you can buy safety clips, and no I haven’t got around to getting them yet!

Toast actually becomes a food group.

You can lead more on Charlie's personal blog my ticking here