Charlie O'Brien: Five things I learned about parenting in 2016

by Charlie O'Brien

So 2016 is drawing to a close which means we’re all fairly reflective about the year that has just passed and the year that is about to start.

Therefore I thought I’d make my last My Kent Family blog of 2016 about the five things I’ve learned about parenting this year.

Childcare – what works for one family, doesn’t work for another

Looking back to my early blogs for My Kent Family, I referred to my son Noah being at nursery a lot. At the start of 2016 we put him into the nursery at the end of our road for two half days All was going well until he moved up to the next room where the room manager was literally horrific.

She told me he was too sensitive and needed to “toughen up because he was a boy”.

She also told me she didn’t have time to deal with him. He was 18 months old. I took him out that day and he never returned.

Noah, checking up that I'm doing my job correctly
Noah, checking up that I'm doing my job correctly

It has taken me over three months to re-gain the confidence to try another form of childcare in the New Year – a childminder.

Although the experience was fairly traumatic at the time it has made me realise that certain options and situations don’t suit all children and families. The nursery Noah went to didn’t want to make time for quieter children and that’s their look out.

I felt awful about it for a long time but I am hoping a different setting and option will work out for our family. Sometimes the first option isn’t right, and it’s OK to take time to work it out.

Giving crafts another, rather messy, go
Giving crafts another, rather messy, go

It’s OK to hate messy play and crafts

I try, I really do but I REALLY HATE CRAFTS. I always have.

My mum tried to get me into all things crafty as a child and I always resisted. Instead I preferred to carry around a notepad and pen and pretend to be a reporter - it was most definitely a sign of things to come!

Since becoming a mum in the Facebook and Instagram generation I’ve felt the pressure to make Chrismas cards from my son’s footprints, and endless creations from Pinterest.

But you know what – I literally hate it. And I sense that he does too. It doesn’t make me a bad mum, just an honest one!

Let’s hope it works out at the childminders because she’s great at all that stuff!

With Noah and nan
With Noah and nan

I’m not a bad mum

On the subject of feeling guilty about EVERYTHING – I’ve come to realise this year that I need to let go about some of the negative feelings about my own parenting abilities. Why do we do it to ourselves? Every mum I know feels guilty about something on a daily basis.

My nan thinks it’s ridiculous, and thinks it’s because I’m an ‘older mum’. I’m 35 by the way – but cheers nan!

But I am definitely heading into 2017 trying to let go of some of the guilt. It’s no good for anyone.

Summer loving - on a day out in Greenwich
Summer loving - on a day out in Greenwich

Children thrive on love, not money

I’ve always known this, but 2016 has reaffirmed this for me. It’s not about the material stuff. We didn’t buy a huge amount for Noah’s first birthday or this Christmas, and we won’t for his second birthday in February,

Instead we prefer to make memories through days out and experiences - and love, lots of love.

I may be crap at crafts, but my son will never go short of fun, kisses and cuddles. That’s my parenting forté!

We both enjoy family life so much more after a good night's sleep
We both enjoy family life so much more after a good night's sleep

Sleep is amazing

Around May time this year Noah starting sleeping through the night after previously having me up sometimes eight times a night for parties. (When I say parties I obviously mean breastfeeding, whinging and teething.)

I have never appreciated sleep so much. Ever.

In fact I wonder how I will ever do without it again if we have another baby.

But for now – I’m relishing every little bit.

I hope you had a great Christmas and have a wonderful New Year!

See you in 2017

Charlie X

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